Now that the kids are older, or even out of the house, you’ll probably find that you’re more able to focus more attention on your marriage. Divorce statistics for the over-50’s age group continues to rise steadily. Happily married for thirty years now, I’m often asked for tips on how to strengthen marriage. Open communication is the number one element of a successful marriage, I tell them.

Make sure to listen to your partner, and let him know that he has been heard. Set the example of the communication you like to give and receive from others. Chances are you don’t like to be interrupted, and you like to know that when you’re talking to someone, he is listening to you. It is likely your partner feels the same way, so set the example yourself. Be honest and encourage honesty in your partner. You can’t truly face the problems of life unless you’re working together. Communication is how you’ll solve problems, work out differences, get on the same page, and express admiration and gratitude to each other.

Open communication also means not letting others interfere with your relationship. In-laws and friends will often have a lot to say about your marriage, but you’ll find that you can often do much better without their advice or comments. If you’re unhappy about something your spouse does, sit down and talk it over in a positive way, geared toward a resolution. Sometimes friends and family can exacerbate already-existing non-optimum conditions in your marriage by adding their own “two cents,” and the next time you confront your spouse about the subject, you may find yourself spewing out to him angrily, word for word, what your mother has to say, for example. You may like it when your girlfriends agree with you that your spouse’s overspending has to stop, but the best person to discuss this with is your spouse.

Tina Turbin